Hi, Yet again I'm caught out a day before 'my day'... To some extent as usual I've no words of wisdom to impart... however, I found an old page of classified ads... do you remember them? I hope you enjoy them.
PS They're not real!!!
FOR
Old wardrobe. Found in an attic. No back for some
reason.
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Marvellous Medicine available. Apply George.
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Completely Indestructible Pills.
Previously only available to cartoon characters.
Ever wondered how Tom and other cartoon characters manage to survive enormous falls, having heavy objects falling on them, being run over by a train or running into a tree?
Now you also can be completely indestructible.
P.S. One possible side effect is that you could become 2-Dimensional and only appear on “cartoon Time”.
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Yes – you’ve guessed it! From threads
of silk bought from the gigantic spiders living in the
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Is your WAND WILTING? What you need is some of DIGGLE’S WAND
REVIVER. Rub it into your wand to revive its magic properties.
Made from magic waxes extracted from
Upside-Down Bee’s hives and the oil from Not-Really-There-Nuts. Only our
experts can survive a giggle-sting from an Upside-Down Bee or extract oil from
a nut that is not really there.
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POD PARTS.
Is your pod becoming a plodder?
Practically falls apart when you put
it in hyperdrive?
Please don’t feel put out because here
at POD PARTS we have all the gadgets and tools to help you get your pod back in
the air.
Obviously we can’t force
you to use our services but we would like to tell you that Anakin, our head
engineer, is packed full of THE
Force!
So if you want to win a pod race so
you can get your spaceship back on the starway then a visit to POD PARTS should
be on your minds.
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TOKEN
10% off for Jedi Knights.
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Heffalump Repellent Pot.
Frightened of Heffalumps?
Then what you need is our Heffalump Repellent Pots. They look just like honey
pots. Wear one upside down on your head. Frightens away all Heffalumps. Works
especially well for bears of very little brain.
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Jones, Jones, Jones, Jones, Jones, Jones, Jones, Jones and Jones (and Sons). Estate Agents.
Very
“spacious” property. Early viewing recommended.
A highly unusual property has come
onto the market. Previously owned by a TIME LORD, known in many incarnations as
DR WHO. The TARDIS, although only looking like a small old police phone box
from the outside is enormously huge
on the inside.
As
is well known, location is highly significant in the consideration of
purchasing a property. This is another reason why an early viewing is highly
recommended. This property can travel though SPACE and TIME and so can enjoy
for some period ANY LOCATION IN THE UNIVERSE.
One
consideration to bear in mind however before purchasing this property is that
power mad megalomaniac aliens, such as THE DALEKS, who don’t realise this
property has been sold to a mortal being, may pursue you through the afore
mentioned time and space, with the intention of blasting every one of your
cells from one end of the universe to another.
This
property is on the market at £2 million or 16 Agrian Mangle Blix.
Apply Vendors. (Ask for Mr Jones).
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Acting News.
New opportunity!
Due to the retirement of the performer acting “Lah Lah”, we are auditioning for new actors to take on this challenging role. All applicants must be able to; make incomprehensible noises and jiggle about stupidly in a way that displays at least six different emotions, e.g. “happiness”/“sadness”/”Is it the coffee break yet”.
Daft costume provided.
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Available NOW from Exclusive Cars!
CHITTY CHITTY BANG BANG
This elegant four-seater comes not only with a Jaguar V.8
engine, open-top facility and spare tyre but also with wings!
Highly useful for avoiding tiresome
traffic jams, motorway tolls or saving children from the children eater. Give
way to 747’s.
Current Price: forty five thousand
imaginary pounds.
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Jobs Vacant.
Position available for dwarf miner. Previously we were a
team of seven however Grumpy was well… Grumpy and left. Curiously only Happy
was unhappy about it.
Applicants must have a name that is
also a real word – a cheerful word would be preferable.
If you’re right for the job then its
heigh ho, heigh ho, it's off to work you go!
Tools and quaint cottage with
housemaid provided.
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1 comment:
Love this!
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