Can you see the signs? By Steve Way

 

Hi all, I thought it would be fun to share my ‘silly signs’ with you, an idea I was trying to develop as an idea for a warmup exercise for creative writing workshops. As you can see, I got a bit carried away! I hope you enjoy them. Please feel free to use them yourselves in a similar context if they would be useful, probably, like me, you wouldn’t want to use all of them all at once… but who knows!

I wanted it to be an exercise that could be done by someone who enjoys the flippant humour of cartoons but has no ability at drawing could have a go at. I think I may have succeeded in proving that at least in one way!

DIVERSION AHEAD! (It’s a good book actually… we’re sure you’ll enjoy it.)

 

STOP!!! … and look at this sign, we’re very proud of it… please…

 

DANGER! MAN-EATING SIGNS! (Hello dinner…)

 

ROAD AHEAD! Just thought you’d like to know… just in case you were wondering.

 

BEWARE WITCHES! (They can be rather nasty at times.)

 

DANGER! SIGN-MAKER KILLER IN ARE... AAAAGH!

 

HEADLINE WRITERS ON STRIKE!

 

 

Welcome to Slough. (What were you thinking?)

Twined with Swindon

 

To Scotland. (Please take low road as I have already taken high road.) (PS  Will be there before you.)

 

Welcome to Tinsel Town! (Please wear sunglasses.)

 

Danger High Winds! (Baked bean factory 1^st Left.)

 

Give whey. (Charity cheese factory 100m ahead.)

 

STOP! (Oh but then start again after you’ve checked nothing’s coming!)

 

Trains crossing. (Beware of arguing trains.)

 

Bus Stop. (So no point waiting here if you want to go anywhere from here on a bus.)

 

Practice ski sl   {End of sign is missing – broken off.}

 

Welcome to Manchester. (Did you remember your umbrella?)

 

Welcome to Chippenham. (Yes… we know…)

[Sign sponsored by McCain, Bic and The State of Denmark]

 

Welcome to Swindon. (WAKE UP!)

Twined with Slough

 

You are now entering Newcastle. (Residents are not accepting calls from coal salespeople.)

 

Lundun Skool ov Spelink. (Four sum rezun spaeses stiw avaeubull.)

 

Stratford-upon-Avon (Technically “beside” but “upon” sounds better.) (You WILL enjoy your visit!)

 

Cardiff (… I remember your birthday!)

 

        second hand

Staff ^ Car Park

 

Do not feed the voracious hungry alligators – RUN!!!

 

School Swimming Pool

Do not feed the Sharks.

(That includes the teachers, children!)

 

QUIET PLEASE

Pleasant, well-behaved and hard-working children studying.

Oh… sorry… wrong school…

 

Zzzz…

Headteacher asleep in office (as usual)

 

LISTEN CAREFULLY

Dinner Ladies gossiping again.

 

GASP!

Apparatus being used for once!

 

GROAN!

WET PLAYTIME

 

ß FUN, EXCITEMENT

SCHOOL à

 

SCHOOL CLOSED!

HA! Only kidding!

 

[Picture of headphones.] Ear Protection Needed.

Secretary walking across hall in stilettos.

 

 

[Picture of headphones.] Ear Protection Needed.

T A’s using Staple Cannons.

 

Welcome to Milton Keynes.

Visit our “World of Roundabouts” exhibition.

Left at the next roundabout, straight over the next two, 2^nd exit at the next one and then right… or…

 

Unusable machinery and broken pots dump.

(Neither use nor ornament)

 

Carlisle

Car Supermarket this way à

 

Swansea

(Which is a lot of swans!)

 

Bristol

(Free for people no called Brian)

 

Taunton

(We still don’t know what weight that is!)

 

Yeovil

(Don’t worry we don’t know how to say it either!)

 

Glasgow

… ‘s well in windows!

 

Fife

(A poetic place to get married.)

 

Preston

Ironing service à

 

Gret na Green

The blue just didn’t work for us

 

Bath

Soak up the sights

 

‘S under land

That’s why it seems no one’s here

 

Fulham

Burp! What’s for pudding?

 

Bolton

So knock before entering

 

Wrexham

Offers opportunities for competent butchers