None have brought me the joy of my current model of notebook. The first was a gift from my daughter. The paper was of a pleasing weight and feel, the pages a quiet white in tone and unlined. This was, to me and many, definitely a luxury notebook. What a great gift!
Reader, I have to tell you that original notebook lay on the shelf unused for more a year. Though I loved the feel of the unlined blank pages, the pale cover felt intimidating. The thing seemed destined for another kind of life altogether, a clean elegant kind of usage, not one destined for fingers haunted by ghostly inkstains or writing too often like a cat scratching with a stick.
For a long time, I felt this perfect notebook did not fit me and would probably not fit my sort of words and thoughts either. All of these were Illogical feelings, I knew, and I had been given the thing, hadn't I? And I was way way more than grown-up.
But the book stayed shut. And I felt sad.
Then, one day, I remembered that artist's 'trick' when facing a blank surface: sweeping across the emptiness with a dull wash to break the stare of the canvas. So I used that trick myself.
I opened the cover, and drew a quick loose scribble across the first page: a wandering unplanned line that took away the fear of that scary page. Then, across that first double spread, I wrote a fast friendly greeting, welcoming myself there. Those early scribbles also told me that any handwriting inside did not have to be perfect, neither in the making or in the thinking. The page was for me now, not for some other perfect dream. With each small action, my feelings lightened. Yes, I broke the stare of that notebook.
Today's notebook will be the fourth of its kind, all bought during sale periods. Those familiar, kindly pages suit and encourage me, and there are plenty of pages to fill. I can't write in it everyday but I have stopped letting the gaps grieve or shame me. I pick it up when and where I can.
I try to write legibly and well but I don't worry if, writing while squashed awkwardly on a pillow,my penwork isn't as beautiful as it could be. I've even become care-less in my use of the pages, drawing a curving squiggle down from the end of an entry to the foot of the page, filling the gap, so I can start with a clear, fresh page in front of me next time.
This new - but similar - notebook and I will get along fine. Although I can write with keyboards and create typed and spoken notes on various devices, I still find writing by hand a great pleasure, and my notebook a necessary luxury.
How is it with yours?
Onwards!
Penny Dolan
2 comments:
I am very intermittent in my use of notebooks. I always start them with the best of intentions, but... The only one that I do stick to is my travel notebook. I use this to keep a record of trips and holidays - what we/I did, where we went. Every now and again I look back through them, and the entries are a lovely reminder of happy times.
Your travel notebook must be such a joy to read through, Sue. Well done with your persistence on that. I often start with a place to make new notes as we travel, but keeping up with the next plans, sights and sounds does use up quiet personal writing time. My daily notebook works quite well, though the quantity of daily mumblings can hide the more interesting travel stories.
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