Christmas Crackers - Joan Lennon

Norman Rockwell 1919 

I have a confession to make: I don't like Christmas crackers. I don't like the loud noise, I don't like the paper hats and I don't like the usually gimcrack toys. BUT I do love puns and jokes, good, bad, in-between. So here are some Christmas quips and winter witticisms for you now, provided in a quiet voice, with no sartorial requirements or plastic tat. Writers and readers, one and all, let's play with/on words!

Why has Santa been banned from sooty chimneys?
Carbon footprints

What falls at the North Pole but never gets hurt?
Snow

What’s every parent’s favourite Christmas Carol?
Silent Night

What do you call a snowman with a six pack?
An abdominal snowman

What do you get when you cross a snowman and a vampire?
Frostbite

What says ‘Oh-Oh-Oh’
Santa walking backwards

Got any more you like? Share the groan-fest in the comments below. Have a happy Christmas and see you next year!

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