It occurred to me this week (probably it’s something you’ve realised for years) how odd, if not silly to have the phone number to call if you lose, or have stolen from you, on the back of the actual credit card.
“… Oh no,
I’ve lost my card… or someone’s stolen it… I must call the emergency number…
ah…”
Now, I know
some of you will have wisely copied it down…
“… don’t worry,
I’ve a copy of it in my notebook… which is at home … and we’re two days into a
holiday abroad… ah…”
Of course,
others of you will have an answer to that…
“… no need
to panic, I put the number in my phone… (Sound of hands patting all available
pockets*)… ah… it looks like my phone might have been stolen as well…”
And if all
else fails…
“… we just
need to find the number on the internet… er… can you get a signal here?”
It’s harsh
to say but instructions are equally useless on a fire extinguisher and worse a defibrillator.
“Now then… so,
you attach this electrode here… ok… ah, mustn’t forget to remove the protective
cover apparently… then this one goes about here it seems… I think that’s about it…
then…”
It’s
brilliant that there are so many defibrillators everywhere but clearly you
either know how to use them or you don’t. Even if the instructions are as
simple as for constructing an IKEA wardrobe***, you’re surely not going to
follow them calmly and precisely in an emergency situation, unless you’re clued
up in what to do in such a serious situation are you? This is where we need
some good old fashioned public information films. A lot of them. Please.
When it
comes to extinguishers the pompiers here in France insist that you call them
first before attempting to use an extinguisher as so many fires have got out of
control due to people trying put them out themselves beforehand and no doubt meanwhile
learning how an extinguisher works (or not) for the first time.
Just to finish
with my favourite ever instruction. It makes me smile every time I think about
it. Seeking to avoid any chance of litigation the manufacturers of a pushchair
in the USA advised parents to, “Remove baby before folding.”
~~~~~
*Men will
repeat this procedure several times over. We are optimists and sub-consciously
believe in magic. Just watch us looking for a rarely used kitchen utensil in a
row of drawers. We will look in the same drawer at least three times, still
expecting the device that wasn’t there before to miraculously appear.**
**This
behaviour persists because once in a blue moon this tactic actually works
because we didn’t look properly the first time.
***I keep
hearing about people who decide to put up IKEA furniture without following the
instructions. Given that these instructions have been carefully prepared by
experts and are so simple a trained ant could follow them, how stubborn do you
need to be not to follow them? Also the success rate of those who try to do
this appears to tend towards 0%.
~~~~~
“Hugh
McPearson Ten of Spades Detective”
Despite not
being competent enough to be an Ace Detective and, as it happens, an ostrich,
Hugh somehow manages to solve numerous inconsequential but unusual cases.
Paperback ISBN: 979-8860393295
Hardback
ISBN: 979-8860663824
ASIN: B0CHBKJ475
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