Negative thinking by Keren David

You know how it is.

 
All your ideas feel flat. And the interesting ones -  someone's been there, done that, far far better than you ever could.  (Like the night you lay awake for hours planning a book about a boy who trained dragons. And the next day you say a film advertised on the side of a bus and your idea went up in flames)

And all the success is going to other people. And all the success you ever had in the past - flukes. You got lucky. It won't happen again.

 And no one reads books anyway. Not teenagers any way. Not that you know anything at all about teenagers nowadays.

And a very helpful librarian just emailed to tell you that all your books seem to have gone out of print. Which the publisher hadn't bothered to let you know.

But never mind, because they were rubbish anyway.

 And even if you had an idea, you wouldn't know how to write it.
And even if you wrote it no one would like it.
And it certainly wouldn't get published. 
And if it did, the  advance would be completely rubbish.
Or it might be not so rubbish, but not as good as other people's advances.

And then there would be no royalties.

And anyway it wouldn't win any HUGE NATIONAL AWARDS.
Or any small local ones.
And if it was shortlisted, then the probability of disappointment is so huge that it would be better not to attend any fancy party in which you would be confirmed as a loser. 

No one would make a film out of it.
Netflix wouldn't be interested.
And even if they were, you'd HATE all that attention.
It would be really stressful. 
Really really stressful.
You'd hate it. 

You might even get invited to talk on Radio Four about your book. 

And that would be incredibly stressful. And you'd feel really flat afterwards. 

 So anything you might decide to write. 
Don't tell anyone. 
Don't think about publication.
Don't get excited about it in any way whatsoever. 
Just do it in secret.
Make yourself laugh.
Make yourself cry.
Fall in love with the people in your imagination.
Let them tell you a story.
Start believing again.

You know how it is?