'I am no longer an author!' by Kelly McKain

 

‘I am no longer an author!’

One day in 2015 I went up onto the glorious heathland where I live, and where I walked most days for a decade until I recently moved. There I proclaimed to the sky, trees, earth and probably a nearby spaniel or highland cow that I was no longer an author.

After over a decade in publishing, and, at that time, more than forty titles, I was at a powerful crossroads. I had enjoyed a great run with some popular series – mermaids, fairies, ponies, fashion, family and friends, comedy and drama – I’d written it, and absolutely loved doing so. I’d also loved meeting amazing, inspiring readers and young writers at events and school visits in the UK and beyond.

But I’d done it. It was done. Really, very, very done.

My editors were still keen to develop new series with me, and I tried a few ideas, but nothing really grabbed me, or them. Deep down I knew it was because I’d shared what was in my heart, got my stories down on paper and said what I’d wanted to say – which, in short, was that being human can be really hard, and growing up on our world as it is can be really, really hard, but that with love, and courage, and community, you can find your happy. You can create, collaborate, make discoveries and best of all, experience life’s true beauty, deep richness and raw, real juice.

So there I was… ‘I am no longer an author!’ I proclaimed. 

I felt an intense sense of freedom. Of excitement. Of possibility. Oh my goodness, I could become a Reiki master, or equine-assisted therapist, or work in my favourite health shop, or for a charity or maybe in a deli or…

An hour later I was down off the heath and back on my sofa, with a cup of tea. One of my cardboard folders caught my eye. I keep one for each idea that I have. I don’t even remember which one it was now. Or if I ever did anything with it. But it was calling me. Irresistible. It was saying, ‘You may not be an author anymore, but you could just have a look at this, this in here, just for the fun of it…’ So then the next thing I knew, I was reading through my notes, and then I was scribbling new ideas on them, moving concepts and themes forward, and watching characters come to life with traits and fears and hopes and dark secrets and big dreams – characters who hadn’t existed an hour before.

Of course I was an author, whether or not I ever published anything again. Whether or not it was a job or a hobby. I wasn’t getting away from myself that easily!

And then, back on the heath again, a few weeks or months later – after I’d given myself that permission, that break, that totally clean slate, Green Witch came along. Now, today, six years later, I’m sitting here doing the final prep on the Book 1 manuscript so that I can get it submitted to its publisher and then go and celebrate with a weekend in Glastonbury.

I remember the first moment of it – the first feeling of it in the ether. The very first ‘what if?’ that grew into a YA fiction trilogy and a TV adaptation. I saw a red kite, soaring above, and the feeling formed into a question: ‘What if I could just shift my consciousness and lift out of my body and find myself behind that bird’s eyes, swooping with it, living its experience?’

This led to ‘What if there was a parallel wild wood to this one where you could do that at will, and, in fact, manifest any magical helper or tool just by thinking about it?’

This led to, ‘And who might be in that parallel wild wood, doing such a thing?’ and then, ‘And why would they be there, and who would they be trying to help or save or rescue, and who from and why and…’

And with the author alive and well and thrumming and humming within me, sharpening her pencils and tapping her heels together three times, I began the journey of walking the world of Green Witch into the earth, and from there, writing it into this world we call home.

by Kelly McKain

www.kellymckain.co.uk