How to Network without literally wanting to die - Kelly McCaughrain

My husband is a computer programmer, or ‘professional geek’ and was recently at a conference of fellow geeks and he was complaining about having to do all the networky, schmoozy, awkward conversation stuff that everyone basically hates.

(Except more geeky)

At the same time, I was off in London and Dublin, visiting schools, not-winning awards, and chatting to the other writers who were there.

I’ve done a few events of this kind and, although I am a terminally shy person and practically allergic to small talk, as my last blog post will attest, I actually find the ‘networking’ bit of it the highlight. I hadn’t actually thought of it as networking in fact. And maybe that’s the secret.

Some primitive and unconscious part of your brain (that’s probably still on the lookout for woolly mammoths) knows instantly the difference between someone introducing themselves to you because they’d like to get to know you, and someone who’s ‘networking’. 

If you’re not sure, they’re the people who only talk to the most successful people in the room, the people who talk constantly about themselves, the people who only talk about their successes not their rejections, the people who treat you as the competition, the people who treat you like a stepping stone, the people who are carrying a copy of their competitively priced book, the people who don’t ask you a single question about yourself and the people who glaze over when you talk. Yeah, them. 

Don't be this person

I have met writers like that but actually not very many. Because, as I told my husband, writers don’t really do the polite-chit-chat, awkward-networking-conversation thing. We bond. Deeply and instantly. And this is due to the important and uniting fact that we have a common enemy: EVERYONE.

It’s true. When writers get together, they can spend whole lunch times plus the bus ride home just ranting. Publishers, reviewers, schools, overhead projectors, celebrity authors, festivals, Twitter, families, libraries, they’re ALL out to get us. And we live solitary lives surrounded by muggles who don’t understand this, so when we get hold of another writer... 

We love having someone who gets it, someone we can have a good moan to about our first world problems. It’s not ‘networking’, it’s brilliant! And deeply comforting. I genuinely sympathise with my fellow-persecuted, but it’s really nice to know you’re not the only one.

I complain to my husband that he has to go to these computer conferences in person instead of doing everything by Skype. Travel is environmentally unfriendly and I have to cook for myself and what is the point of a computer company if they can’t do meetings by Skype?

But I have to admit, networking has to be done in person. If all your ‘networking’ is done online then you’re really only meeting the curated version of other writers, which is the quickest way to despair. Meet them in person and suddenly you’re comparing the real-life stuff. The sales figures, the rejections, the public speaking, the difficult schools, the impossible second novel. 

And actually, things have gone amazingly smoothly for me so far and I really haven’t had much to complain about (I just do it for fun), but it’s still nice to share your experiences with people who know what you’re talking about.

My book is one year old now and I wanted to mark the occasion with a one-time-only positive and upbeat blog post that isn’t a massive whinge-fest. But apparently the closest I could come was a post about how great it is to have a rant. Ah well. 

Seriously, one of the best bits about this amazing year has been all the lovely writers I’ve met. So I highly recommend getting out there and doing some 'networking'. Go to literary events, go to classes, join crit groups, all that schizz. *Googles how to spell schizz*

And if that’s not a possibility for you, then use social media in a way that won’t wreck your head. Join the Facebook groups for the SCBWI, Scattered Authors Society, or whatever local groups you have (please do suggest any you know of) or start your own. These are private groups where you can have a rant and get advice from other writers while keeping your Twitter account all shiny and publicity-friendly.

You need support like this. It’s not healthy to work in a job where you can’t turn to a co-worker and say, ‘Hey, is it just me or…?’ A Room of One’s Own is great, but I am firmly of the opinion that a Staff Room of One’s Own is also a basic requirement. 

Kelly McCaughrain is the author of the YA novel Flying Tips for Flightless Birds. 

She blogs about Writing, Gardening and VW Campervanning at weewideworld.blogspot.co.uk 

@KMcCaughrain