Monday 12 March 2012

The Joy of Insults - Joan Lennon

I'm a nice person. Nice, nice, nice. On the outside, anyway. Chances are, you are too. Which means we are well and truly cut off from the joy of insults. (Giving, of course, as opposed to receiving.) Think about it ... When was the last time you really enjoyed insulting someone - really savoured the syllables, letting them roll about your tongue, or flow down your arms to the quill clutched in your inkstained fingers? I wager it's been a while. I wager it's been too long, you frothy, beef-witted ratsbane ...

I'm here today to help. From the kit below, start with the word "You" (or "Thou" if you prefer) then choose one epithet from each column and put them together in the way that gives you the most satisfaction. Because we're nice, we don't have to tell who the insult is for - but WE'LL know. Oh yes.

ArtlessBase-courtApple-john
BawdyBeef-wittedBarnacle
BeslubberingBeetle-headedBladder
ChurlishBoil-BrainedBoar-Pig
CockeredClapper-ClawedBugbear
Clouted Clay-BrainedBum-Bailey
CravenCommon-KissingCanker-Blossom
Currish Crook-PatedClack-Dish
Dankish Dismal-DreamingClotpole
DissemblingDizzy-EyedCoxcomb
Droning DogheartedCodpiece
Errant

Dread-BoltedDeath-Token
Fawning Earth-VexingDewberry
Fobbing Elf-SkinnedFlap-Dragon
Froward Fat-KidneyedFlax-Wench
Frothy

Fun-SuckedFlirt-Gill
Gleeking

Flap-MouthedFoot-Licker
Goatish Fly-BittenFustilarian
GorbelliedFolly-FallenGiglet
ImpertinentFool-BornGudgeon
InfectiousFull-GorgedHaggard
Jarring Guts-GripingHarpy
LoggerheadedHalf-FacedHedge-Pig
Lumpish Hasty-WittedHorn-Beast
MammeringHedge-BornHugger-Mugger
Mangled

Hell-HatedJoithead
Mewling Idle-HeadedLewdster
Paunchy Ill-BreedingLout
PribblingIll-NurturedMaggot-Pie
PukingKnotty-PatedMalt-Worm
PunyMilk-LiveredMammet
QuallingMotley-MindedMeasle
RankOnion-EyedMinnow
ReekyPlume-PluckedMiscreant
Roguish Pottle-DeepMoldwarp
Ruttish Pox-MarkedMumble-News
SaucyReeling-RipeNut-Hook
Spleeny Rough-HewnPigeon-Egg
SpongyRude-GrowingPignut
SurlyRump-FedPuttock
Tottering

Shard-BonePumpion
UnmuzzledSheep-BitingRatsbane
VainSpur-GalledScut
Venomed Swag-BelliedSkainsmate
VillainousTardy-GaitedStrumpet
WarpedTickle-BrainedVarlot
Wayward Toad-SpottedVassal
WeedyUnchin-SnoutedWhey-Face
YeastyWeather-BittenWagtail

I don't know who first compiled this wonderful list - I copied it from www.londonshakespeare.org.uk, but it's available on all sorts of websites. All sorts of people have recognised the nice person's need and made an effort to supply it. So have a go. You have my permission. Concoct a ripe and rip-roaring insult to ease the cockles of your gleeking heart and add it to the Comments below.

You know you want to!


Joan Lennon's website.
Joan Lennon's blog.

11 comments:

madwippitt said...

You norty pribbling wagtail you!
This is just so funny - I love it. Although I need to go look up most of these words ...
And if you don't object I may draw on it as well for future works ...
I remember the glee with which I discovered the speech in King Lear in which Kent roundly curses Oswald!

Susan Price said...

You tardy, reeky moldwarp!
It works! I feel - energised.
Like madwippet, I shall be copying this for further use.

Penny Dolan said...

Well, that's today used up already.
Will start on my list of WHO before deciding WHAT then, hey!

Just wonderful!

Joan Lennon said...

Oh what a relief! There was an awful silence just after the post came up in which I pictured all sorts of frilly-lipping going on in the community ...

Instead I'm going to picture sneakily satisfied grins on ABBA faces everywhere, this fine spring day!

Linda Strachan said...

Ah! I reckon Thou's a Gleeking, Knotty-Pated,Flap-Dragon!

Dianne Hofmeyr said...

You unmuzzled tickled-brained mumble-news you have given this pribbling motley-minded clotpole something to laugh about on this Monday morning. Some work just as they are: a villainous tardy-gaited strumpet

Lynda Waterhouse said...

Today I have been railing against the pribbling pottle- deep puttocks with their datsardly deep cutting of benefits to Aged P's care plan. Thank you Joan for providing this She Wolf with the correct vocab.

Lisa Shambrook said...

Ha ha, I wish some of the unmuzzled fool-born clotpoles out there would use this list instead of the boring, over-used, offensive terms they usually lace their conversation with!

jongleuse said...

Lovely. Feeling very much like a reeky weather-bitten strumpet myself today.

Abi Burlingham said...

You spleeny sheep-biting puttock you!... yes, you (not you of course, Joan!) My friend recently insulted someone who pinched the parking space we were waiting for and who proceded to be very abusive... my friend told her she was a Scutterbag! I thought that was wonderful! Lovely fun post Joan!

Enid Richemont said...

From one puny milk-livered mammet - may I add to this list my daughter's reproach to one of her small children - "you mollusc"?