A List As Long As A Leg - Joan Lennon

I am a short person in a household of tall people.  My oldest son is used as a unit of measurement on a regular basis.  ('How big is that shark?' ' Three and a half Jamies!' 'Wow!')  And recently, I have been making a To Do list.  Not just a daily one, or a weekly one.  I make those all the time.  And I don't mean a Household To Do list.  'Tidy your room' has been on every list I've ever made, I think, in a long life of list making.  No, this one is work related and contains every hemi-demi-semi, it-might-be-fun-to, I-better-write-this-down-or-I'll-forget-it project, every competition whose deadline hasn't long gone, every possible submission link that might even remotely fit something I may or may not have written.  And when I say the list is as long as a leg, it's not my leg I'm speaking of.

a picture of a list

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The list is reassuring.  It makes me feel adult, and in control, and properly professional.  But then something happens.  Almost as soon as I print a list out, I find more things to add to it, and I realised there was a thing I do that maybe you don't.

Question A: If you find yourself doing something that really should have been included in your list, do you immediately add it, so that you can immediately tick it off?

Question B: What does that tell us about ourselves?

And in the spirit of getting things rolling, my answers are:

A: Yes.  Every time.

B: I find my pleasures where I can ...?  Or it could be that I just don't believe something's true unless it's written down.

Gustave Courbet Le Desespere (1841) 

(wiki commons)

But why have I ended on this self-portrait of the artist as an extremely good-looking, if somewhat harassed, young man?  It's because of a dream.  Not, I hasten to add, a dream of being an extremely good-looking young man.  Not had that one in ages.  No, it's the dream of a book that I've somehow forgotten about, whose deadline looms, whose research notes have become scattered and mislabelled in the dark recesses of my computer, and who is burying me in an avalanche of deeply hurt feelings.  You loved me.  How could you have forgotten me?

It's a recurring dream, and the feeling of guilt can last the whole next day.  I'm nearly almost completely sure no such book exists - there's certainly nothing like it on my list - and yet ...

Joan Lennon Instagram

An Attempt at Exhausting a Place - Alex English

In my previous blog post I wrote about Lynda Barry’s simple template for listing the details of the day with her Daily Diary.

Now I’d like to introduce you to Georges Perec – a French novelist and filmmaker and member of the Oulipo group of writers, famed for their constrained writing (Perec famously wrote a novel consisting only of words that don’t contain the letter ‘e’).

In 1974, frustrated with newspapers’ focus on disasters and sensationalist stories (which rings very true with me at the moment – I almost cannot bear to read the news), Perec decided to shift his focus to the ordinary mundanities of life.

“The papers annoy me, they teach me nothing.” 

Georges Perec 

The result was a short (40 pages!) book titled An Attempt at Exhausting a Place in Paris, published in 1975. It consists solely of lists of every detail of ‘mundane life’ that Perec observed while sitting in a cafe on Place Saint-Sulpice in Paris for three days.

There's something rather beautiful and hypnotic in these simple lists, and it's something I've tried to get into the habit of doing whenever I have a spare moment.

The numbers in Perec's notes refer to buses.

Refreshments are allowed!

'Exhausting a place' is something I now do whenever I'm not sure what to write. There's no expectation of a finished piece, just an exercise in noting down details. And I do happen to live in Paris at the moment, but it doesn't have to be a glamorous-sounding location. Anywhere can be exhausted, all it require is pen, paper and (most importantly) your attention.

As a side note, during my research into Georges Perec, I happened upon this rather lovely short film An Attempt at Exhausting a Place in Sussex by Jessica Bishopp, inspired by Perec’s book.

I also came across this intriguing creative writing workshop, An Attempt at Exhausting a Place in Leicester, on Tuesday 16 July.

Have you ever tried 'exhausting a place'?

Alex English is a graduate of Bath Spa University's MA Writing for Young People. Her picture books Yuck said the Yak, Pirates Don't Drive Diggers and Mine Mine Mine said the Porcupine are published by Maverick Arts Publishing and she has more forthcoming from Bloomsbury and Faber & Faber.
www.alexenglish.co.uk

Lists, lists and more lists, by Dan Metcalf

I live for lists. As a former librarian, nothing is so tempting to me as a list – a neat, ordered, chronicle of intentions or accomplishments. It seems to me that as bookish people, we are predisposed to these things – as lovers of literature we long to see things recorded properly and succinctly. I was reminded of this as I spoke to a 8 year old neighbour this morning, who proudly presented me with a list of the books she had read over the half term holiday. Neatly titled, listed and folded up, placed in her top pocket ready to show her teacher, were a list of 5 Roald Dahl books. I congratulated her and was immensely proud myself, not just of her reading ability and love of books, but of her compulsion to list it all down.

My wife, an academic in the field of Children’s Literature, has books of lists. Alphabetical, written in numerous biro colours, she has kept it since the days of our ‘A’ levels. My dad, recently retired and a convert to reading, keeps a list of books although largely so he can remember which ones he has read. He even notes down the plot and gives a brief half-page review. Listing, it seems is in the family.

Many may remember Nick Hornby’s tribute to lists, High Fidelity, and for a brief time among my classmates we emulated the protagonist in making our own Top Five lists, although that was mostly of our favourite films and alcopops. The notion of noting down our favourite movies, songs, albums, bands, or cartoon character crushes (Jessica Rabbit wins every time, obvs) is now laughable as my tastes have changed so much. I recently found lists of the above from my early twenties and they are so cringe-worthy and banal that I cannot begin to reproduce them here. So I find the idea of popular media covering such lists insane. The TV schedules have them as their mainstay; remember the BBC’sBig Read? A summer long season that tried to compile the nations’ top 100 books? (An easily skewed online poll voted Lord of the Rings in at Number One, if you’re interested) Channel 5 seem to have one a week, which surely has culminated with Britain's Favourite Biscuit.(Spoilers: Here's the result) And Desert Island Discs, Radio 4’s 75 year old programme about kidnapping the great and the good and leaving them to die on a rock, asks notable persons to list their favourite songs; I pity the person who records their Desert Island discs in their twenties and then has to endure ribbing for the rest of their life because they chose ‘Touch My Bum’ by the Cheeky Girls “for a laugh”.

In fact, I always thought the format had the lists the wrong way around. Guests (or victims, if we’re taking the whole castaway thing seriously) are asked to tell the presenter (chief tormentor) their seven songs they would like to be washed up with (presumably they dropped their iPhone in the water with their 10000+ songs on it and the island handily has a turntable and electricity supply but there’s me picking hairs again). They also get to pick a luxury item (mine's a fully crewed yacht) and a book.

One book.

You get the bible and the complete works of Shakespeare for free (which will delight all non-Christians appearing on the programme) but get to choose one book. ONE! How in blue blazes am I supposed to pick just one book to see out my days? I’d happily swap my seven discs for books and get to choose just one song (That Golden Rule by Biffy Clyro, of course).

One list that has grabbed my attention since I was in short trousers though (I mean since I was a kid, not since last summer and the unfortunate choice of leg wear at the beach), was when I watched the 1960 film adaptation of HG Wells’ The Time Machine. It departs from the book slightly in that the plot seems overly concerned with the Earth being driven back to the stone age by a nuclear war, but as that seemed a very real possibility then I’ll let them off (and yes, it seems to be a very real possibility right now, but let’s leave politics out of this for a moment)

At the end, the Time Traveller absconds himself to his laboratory as whisks himself away in the machine once again, seemingly to never return. His sceptical friend Filby and housekeeper enter and see the space that the machine once held surrounded by debris and the Housekeeper notices nothing is missing except for three books that she could not identify. Filby supposes that he took them with him into the future, and proposes the question; if you were heading into a new world and time, what are the three books you’d take with you?

That question has played on my mind for 20+ years. Should I take something practical and informative like Nigella’s How To Be A Domestic Goddess? (the burnt butter cupcakes are to die for) Or a DIY Manual? Maybe, if the earth has succumbed to a nuclear war, a foraging book to help me collect food.

Nah. I’ll settle for some good reading material. I’ll probably be clubbed to death by Morlocks anyway so may as well enjoy myself. Here’s mine:

1 – An Omnibus of the Paddington Stories by Michael Bond – If I’m living in a post-apocalyptic landscape, I’d like some escapism and delving into the world of Number 32 Windsor Gardens is my ‘safe place’. The only thing you have to worry about there is Mrs Bird’s temper or running out of marmalade.

2 – An Omnibus of the Mortal Engines Quadrilogy by Philip Reeve – Okay, I’m probably cheating here by choosing an omnibus, but it’s my game so shut up. I love the world Reeve creates in these books but more than anything the characters. If I’m in a ruined Britain (again, you could argue we are already there but let’s leave politics at the door for the moment) I want to take Hester and Shrike with me. Also may be a handy manual in case the human race do accept Municipal Darwinism as their new way of life and begin to mobilise their cities, so, y’know it’s kinda practical as well.

3 – The Complete Y-The Last Man by Brian K Vaughan and Pia Guerra – This graphic novel showed me what real storytelling is; epic, brutal and compelling. If you don’t know it, a mystery illness kills off every male on Earth in the first few pages, all except one goofy responsibility-shy slacker called Yorick and his pet monkey (okay, sounds stupid now I write it down but trust me). It has everything you want from a major summer blockbuster movie – Amazon Warrior Women, secret spies and societies, danger, terrorists and monkeys. Did I mention monkeys?

Okay, I’ve shown you mine, now you show me yours. Catch me in the comments and on Twitter (@metcalfwriter)

---

Dan Metcalf writes Children’s books and can be found at danmetcalf.co.uk. Dino Wars, his new series about genetically engineered talking dinosaurs and a race against time to save the world, launches on 28^th April from Maverick Books.

Princesses with Attitude: My Top Ten Princess Books - by Emma Barnes

Princesses get a bad press. There can be a lot of snarling and breast-beating among parents and book lovers on the subject: all that simpering – all that passive sitting about looking pretty and waiting for princes – all that pink! When people take issue with gender stereotypes in children's books, it is often princesses that are first in line.

I agree that girls and boys shouldn't be pushed towards particular models at an early age, and should be free to choose their own toys, books and clothes as they please. Yet I can't help feeling that there are double-standards at work – that while it is fine for girls to want to be pirates or aliens, when it comes to princesses and fairies, everyone would much rather girls would just forget about them (and perish the thought that boys might ever pick up such a book).

Chloe longs to be a princess

Is wanting to be a princess (at age seven) really so surprising? Consider this, if you are a princess you are:

1. Important, however old you are, and because of this -
2. Adults have to listen to you.

I mean, what's not to like!  It's the opposite of the usual state of being a child, which means being dependent and having to do what adults tell you. No surprise, then, that princesses become objects for fantasy and role-play. That might mean dressing up and bossing people around. (In fact, there's almost certainly an element of that!) But it is also about being taken seriously and having power to shape your own life.


Of course, the fantasy is one thing, but real-life is more complicated. When they get muddled, there's all kinds of trouble!  In my new book, Chloe and her two best friends are determined to be princesses. But ordinary life has a horrible habit of getting in the way. Unsympathetic parents who won't pay for dancing lessons, busy teachers who don't like frogs, annoying brothers who are...well, annoying: they all make Chloe's pursuit of princessdom a lot harder than she anticipated.  Not that Chloe and her friends Aisha and Eliza will ever give up.

Princess books will keep being written, and published, just so long as there are dreamy little girls like Chloe out there longing to read them.  Here follows a list of my ten favourite princess books.

1) Princess Smartypants

 

Who couldn't love the alligator-owning, motorcycle riding Princess Smartypants?

2) The Little Princess Series

By contrast this princess is very much a real toddler - constant cries of "I want"! - and her adventures are very grounded in real life.

3) The Worst Princess

A lovely rhyming text, and like Princess Smartypants, very much a twist on the traditional fairy tale. 

5) Princess Grace























Grace discovers that you don't have to be blonde, or wear pink, to be a princess.

6) Princess Mirror-belle

By Gruffalo creator Julia Donaldson, naughty Princess Mirror-belle escapes from a mirror and causes all sorts of trouble!

5) The Rescue Princesses series

Perfect for newly independent readers - and with lots of titles to read - the Rescue Princesses series is about friendship, adventure and love of animals.

6) Princess (Dis)Grace

Funny, charming series about a clumsy princess going to boarding school.

7) The Young Elizabeth

One of my favourite reads growing up, this tells of the early life of Elizabeth Tudor (later Elizabeth I) who relied on her considerable wits to survive accusations of treason and imprisonment in the Tower of London and eventually become queen!  (Now out-of-print, a good modern alternative might be My Royal Story by Kathryn Lasky.)

8)   A Little Princess

One of my absolute favourites - and Chloe's too.  The heroine, orphaned Sara Crewe, inspires Chloe to believe anybody can be a princess, if they believe they're a princess and act like a princess (not always an easy thing to do).

10.  The Princess Diaries

 

New York high school student Mia discovers that she is next-in-line to inherit an European principality: witty, funny, sophisticated, this series of books inspired a successful film - and is very much in YA territory.

Having complied this list, I realise there are so many more I'd have liked to add.  And plenty have been recommended to me too.  

If you're still hungry for princess books then do not fear!

Some useful lists:
Goodreads - Princess tales
A Mighty Girl: Independent Princesses
Princess Books for Parents Who Hate Princess Books

Some more great books...

Emma Barnes's book Chloe's Secret Princess Club is out now.
Find out more about Emma's books on her web-site.

On the Writing of Lists... by Cecilia Busby

One of the things about being a writer, and working from home, is that there is no one managing your time or telling you what to do when. This can be a delight, but it can also lead to feeling just a bit overburdened with the need to manage yourself. There are times when there just seem to be too many things requiring your attention. Times when it's hard to keep track of all the fronts on which you are attempting to advance (or, more realistically, just keep from getting impossibly behind). Times when it's easy to get so overwhelmed that all you really want to do is go back to bed...

These are the times when I tend to find myself reaching for a pen and paper and announcing:

I need a list!

Writing things down seems to calm my frenzied brain slightly. Firstly, it is just inherently soothing writing thing down. Secondly, it makes me feel as if I've actually begun on each of the tasks - just writing them has made them a little bit more concrete. Thirdly, it calms the bit of my brain that's trying to make sure I remember them all and don't miss important deadlines - if they're written down, they can't be forgotten.

All well and good - and generally very useful.

BUT....

There is a downside to lists, and it's that I tend to ADD TOO MANY THINGS.

A list generally starts quite modest and useful. For example:

1. Put bins out

2. Buy milk

3. Phone school re bus timetable

4. Email agent about rewrite

But it has a tendency to rapidly get out of hand, as more and more Useful and Important Things occur to me. Thus:

5. Write 'Comment is Free' article on author event fees and send to Guardian

6. Think about new website design ideas

7. Read teetering pile of books by bed 

And then it just gets worse:

8. Put contents of wardrobe on ebay and buy proper clothes

9. Draft new book

10. Paint and decorate entire house

Not Achieving The Things On My List can rapidly become another source of stress, entirely negating the good stuff about having organised a list.

When this happens, I have found a good strategy is not to eschew lists altogether, but to change the kind of list I write. A very good antidote to the failure to keep up with the 'To Do' list is to have a 'Done' list.

Done lists are brilliant. By definition, everything on them has been achieved already. You can in fact award yourself an instant Well Done Rosette the minute you finish writing them.

The best thing about 'Done' lists though, is that they are the very opposite of 'To Do' lists. The more you sit there, the more you think of things you have achieved, and the more concrete and bounded those things become. At the tail end of a 'Done' list I mght find myself writing things like:

22. Brushed my hair this morning

23. Had a really nice piece of toast for breakfast

24. Rescued a spider from the bath

Equally, I can sometimes find some quite big and important things ending up on my 'Done' list, things I'd never dream of putting on a 'To Do' list but which perhaps explain why I don't always get the 'To Do' list, well, Done. Things like:

25. Talked to (daughter) about her worries re school 

26. Made her some hot chocolate and watched Poldark together

Sometimes a 'Done' list can overlap slightly with another useful exercise that helps when I am feeling overwhelmed, which is a kind of version of 'count your blessings' and involves patting myself gently on the back for the many things I have actually achieved over the last few years. It's easy to forget them, and only look forward to the things I haven't managed to do!

So, having knocked off 'Write ABBA blog', I am now moving on to the next item on today's deliberately modest list, which is 'Have a nice cup of tea'...

Happy list-making!

Cecilia Busby writes humorous fantasy adventures for ages 7-12 as C.J. Busby. Her latest book, The Amber Crown, was published last year by Templar.

www.cjbusby.co.uk

@ceciliabusby

"Great fun - made me chortle!" (Diana Wynne Jones on Frogspell)

"A rift-hoping romp with great wit, charm and pace" (Frances Hardinge on Deep Amber)