Censorship and Brexit - Ciaran Murtagh

On Friday the BBC re-released a sketch from Horrible Histories that apparently 'trashed Britain'.  You can watch the offending sketch here:

It was from a 2009 episode called Vile Victorians and it upset a lot of people including Piers Morgan, Andrew Neill and the Daily Mail, so it must be doing something right.

Caution - this link will take you to The Daily Mail

It piqued my interest because as a kids TV writer, it seemed strange for so many grown men - and it usually is men - to get enraged by an 11 year old sketch, which many children have enjoyed and - crucially - understood for years.

Link to some frankly ridiculous Twitter comments.

The reason for the outrage was the fact that it was unpatriotic. Factually and historically accurate, but unpatriotic because it pointed to aspects of British history, that while true, displayed Britain in an unfavourable light.

No matter that this sketch has been broadcast many times to zero protest. No matter that it's from a show called Horrible Histories -  the clue's in the name.   No matter that Horrible Histories also trashes the 'Vicious Vikings' and the 'Rotten Romans'- maybe other countries have thicker skin, or aren't in the middle of an identity crisis.

We now live in a country so past irony that The Sun can create a poster celebrating Brexit in which the fictional character Alan Partridge is apparently a Great Britain,  while his very real creator Steve Coogan is a shattered Remainer.

Also on the poster and in the Great British camp are Mr Blobby, Basil Brush and Mr Bean. As a writer for at least two of those characters - Mr Blobby writes his own material -  I think I can confidently say Mr Bean is apolitical at best and if I had to pin Basil down I'd have him a little 'Countryside Alliance-y', but then again - THEY'RE BOTH MADE UP, SO HOW WOULD I KNOW!?

Noted Great Briton and anti-EU advocate Mr Bean. Apparently.

Regardless it's obviously fine to give fictional kids TV characters British values and agendas to reinforce your political point, but don't you dare put actual facts in front of the kiddiwinks for fear of being labelled unpatriotic.  Or maybe The Sun poster is clearly a joke and I shouldn't take it so seriously, in which case... Horrible Histories! 

The only thing that's changed in the 11 years since this sketch was first broadcast is that we now live in age where we no longer have a need for experts and facts are apparently negotiable depending on your world view.  That and they got a British born Asian to introduce it. Can't have people with a darker skin tone telling us OUR - and their, but lets not worry about that -  history can we?

Another criticism levelled at the sketch is that is lacks perspective, it doesn't say anything about all the good things the Victorians and Britain did. Which is true, it doesn't, but then it's a comedy sketch for children, it makes one point and it makes it very well, it's how sketches work. You never hear of any of the perfectly healthy parrots the pet shop owner sold in the Dead Parrot sketch do you? Where's the perspective? Next you'll be telling me that 'Allo 'Allo isn't representative of life in German occupied France and not all Dublin matriarchs are men in drag.

Life in German occupied France not all bad. Apparently. 

In the scheme of things it's a silly thing to get annoyed about, but as a children's writer I find it very worrying. It points to an insidious trend. If the future of writing for children means passing some strange Daily Mail criteria for what is and isn't acceptable then we're all screwed.

Children are happy to be challenged, happy to be provoked, happy to question and happy to think for themselves. The evidence of the past few days seems to suggest that certain adults are not. We should always remind ourselves that we're writing for the children who are happy to explore different perspectives, not the grown ups who would rather we reinforce a particular world view.

On a wider note, for anybody who creates anything, if these angry, seemingly educated people feel so threatened by an 11 year old sketch about Queen Victoria on kids TV,  just imagine how they'll feel when faced with more grown up criticism on a news show. Or maybe they'll just select favourable journalists from now on.

Regardless, the shouting voices are getting louder. Post Brexit you're either with us or against us. In an age where a slightly peculiar decade old sketch in which Queen Victoria has sugar poured on her head can cause such indignant rage I worry for anybody who dares to create anything with a dissenting voice, no matter how light hearted it may be.

Ciaran Murtagh's work can currently be seen every Friday at 6pm on CBBC on Crackerjack.  Follow the link to see an unashamedly apolitical Basil Brush doing his thing. 

Writing: The Next Generation - Ciaran Murtagh

This month I was lucky enough to head up to Manchester with my family to watch an episode of Crackerjack being filmed. I've written quite a few sketches for this show and it was a real thrill to see them performed in front of a studio audience. One of the sketches featured past presenters - Stu Francis, Don MacLean, Bernie Clifton, Basil Brush and Jan Hunt. The idea of the sketch was for them to pass the baton onto new presenters Sam and Mark and it was quite moving watching these performers I had grown up with paying it forward in that way.

Stu Francis was the Crackerjack presenter I grew up with. He's partly responsible for me doing the job I do now. I never thought I'd ever end up writing for him, but this remarkable career sometimes throws up those moments. I was writing silly jokes for the man who made me appreciate the value of silly jokes in the first place.

Writers are often connected to generations past and present in a very tangible way. We spend time in schools learning from the writers of the future and we spend time with books learning from the writers of the past. There is a continuum to our craft and to our work that transcends the time and place in which it was written.

Sitting in the Crackerjack studio, 30 years later than perhaps would have been ideal for my 8 year old self, it struck me how much I had been inspired by it as a child.

It's not just the show itself though, the people making it have also paid it forward. The first bit of TV I ever wrote featured Sam and Mark, they now present the show. The first bit of TV I ever wrote was commissioned on spec by Steve Ryde, he's now executive producer of Crackerjack. He took a risk on me, gave me some of his time and expertise, and now I have a career in a business I knew nothing about a decade ago.

This week I got nominated for a writing Bafta. If Steve Ryde hadn't taken that chance, if Crackerjack hadn't made me appreciate the value of a pun, I might never have been in this position. I don't forget that, which is why it's important when someone reaches out for advice or mentorship I do my best to help. Most of our careers are a hotch potch of lucky breaks, hard work and the occasional helping hand.  It's our duty to find the time to pay it forward whenever we can.

A Life In Sound by Steve Gladwin

I've never had a very good visual memory, My dad used to regularly say that I walk around with my eyes shut. I have a terrible sense of direction and my night sight is lousy. In addition, I also suffer from dyspraxia it is probably wise that the world has been spared by driving skills. There's little doubt that it would have been useful to drive, especially living in a rural area as I do, but then I'd have had an entirely different life.

We have lots of pictures in our house, many painted by my dad who is still painting as regularly as ever. When I get a book with pictures in it. I either pore over it - often with Rosie - who is after all the visual artist in the house - and then leave it on a pile for the day that never comes. At the same time I pile up books and kindles to read some day - the latter in ridiculous abundance, buy more CD's and more free amazon music, and after only six months have audible choices which are actually intimidating. I can never meditate or visualise anything for long because of my ever busy butterfly mind

But ever since childhood, music and voice have been just as important to me. I've spoken previously about my love of classical music- pretty much all we were allowed to listen to until I was about sixteen - and how instead of that backfiring into a sea of resentment for grown-up music, it instead left me with a comprehensive love of it.

But isn't all about Wagner and Bach, Tchaikovsky and Vaughan Williams, 'Your tiny hand is frozen' and 'On with the motley.' There's a complete other soundtrack that's accompanied it and this has taken an amazing variety of forms. So this month I'm going to invite you to indulge my butterfly mind and take you on a special journey in the voices of childhood.

It's Saturday morning and I'm ages seven or eight. Apart from Saturday being mum's hairdressers afternoon, when my sister Chris and I watch the wrestling, (all fixed of course, but we never cared) with Dad before he cooks what he calls his 'Saturday Souflee' - a collection of oddments and leftovers, ready in time for mum's return home. But right now it is only morning. some time after nine and we are allowed to listen to Junior Choice with Ed Stewpot Stewart, simultaneously on both Radio 1 and 2. I can remember all kinds of regular Stewpot treats, There's Burl Ives singing one of his many comedy songs, like 'On Top of Old Smoky', or 'Big Rock Candy Mountain, Terry Scott with 'My Brother.', ("who put worms in Granddad's tea etc"), or maybe the frankly bizarre Sparky's Magic Piano with that odd sonic, later to be much overused by Cher and Posh Spice - effect for the piano's voice. Best of all there was the great Bernard Cribbins, of whom you've certainly not yet heard the last, with either of his two hits, 'Fixing a Hole' and 'Right, Said, Fred' and yes the band did name themselves after the song.

A typical scene from Crackerjack with Stewpot in the fetching grass skirt and the legendary Peter Glaze second from the end.

The night before I would likely have heard Stewpot's familiar tones on the Friday night, announcing the children's TV programme, which remains one of the best treats ever, when either he or Eamon Andrews, Leslie Crowther, (who preceded Stewpot on both this and Junior Choice) or Michael Aspel would utter those immortal line, 'It's Friday, it's five to five and its ---- Crackerjack. To those who hadn't been born or were too old to appreciate it, (nobody, surely), it's impossible to describe the level of excitement as my sister and I scuttled in from what we were doing just in time.

After that prime slot there was usually an additional fifteen minutes slot before the six o' clock news, just time for a cartoon or something else for children. The very idea of us having our own channel was a mere mad glint in the mind of some mad professor of the future. The wide variety of these programmes meant of course many voices. From the time of my teens, one of these was Bernard Cribbins, (by now a Jackanory stalwart - see below!) voicing The Wombles and many more There's something about a blunt, northern, normal voice which suits an animated programme, the voice is kindly but enquiring, sometimes solemn, but always wise. Paddington Bear with the wonderful Sir Michael Hordern, carried a similar confusion and sometimes befuddlement at a world that was both exciting and at times made no sense at all.

Noggin was so famous he even got his own stamp!

Of course no-one can easily forget 'The Clangers', but I confess to having never really got them, even though the only voice we might have heard was the narrator, creator Oliver Postgate himself, the rest being provided by swanee whistles and the like. Much finer a treat for me was to both hear and see the adventures of Noggin the Nog, a sort of moving chess piece from the Book of Kells. Co-incidentally, Peter Firmin, the show's co- creator, was supposedly inspired by seeing the Lewis Chessmen. Noggins's Norse myth and saga inspired wanderings led to him encountering a proper ice dragon which made the soup dragon seem like single concentrate. You were more likely to find Noggin's adventures at lunchtime voiced again by one of his creator's, Oliver Postgate.

The voice you were guaranteed to hear at lunchtime was that of Brian Cant, who voiced Camberwick Green, Trumpton and Chigley and sung the many familiar songs into the bargain. He was also one of the first presenters of Play School and later Play Away and was one of the go to voice over actors for a great many more. Among the many others there was also Mr Benn, and his endless ventures into the shop of adventure with its mysterious changing room cum time machine. This was voiced by Ray Brooks, who also did many of the stories and serials featured on Blue Peter. There was also the Mister Men with the magnificently grumpy and clipped Arthur Lowe, taking time off from portraying jumped up snob Captain George Mainwaring in the legendary Dads Army.

It's hardly surprising that Dads Army transferred so well to the radio, with it being so much about individual character flaws and group dynamics. Shut your eyes and you will hear John Le Mesurier's laconic drawl as Sergeant Wilson, an able laid-back foil foil for the bullish pomposity of the  wonderful Arthur Lowe. He, a man who himself didn't suffer fools gladly, was able to take a quality or two of his own, polish them, add a tiny twist, until it emerges as the over-promoted little bank manage of Walmington on Sea.

What's going on 'ere, Napolean?'

Clive Dunn's Jonesy is of course, constantly a beat behind everyone else. The part was written with the actor Jack Haigh in mind, who went on to enjoy success in things like 'Allo Allo' and 'Are You Being Served', but he was already the star of popular children's programme, Clive Dunn was only in his fifties when he took on the part which would make him the most famous granddad in British television, (and later in the charts) His Corporal Jones combines eager to please puppy with equal parts fussy pedant and part panicky coward with masterful timing which is all there in the voice. In contrast is James Beck as Walker the spiv, always with an eye for a dodgy bargain, with a girl like Wendy Richard's Shirley on his arms, ever on the look out for fresh silks. She's only a few years from her breakthrough role as Miss Brahms, (Shirley again) and her memorable partnership with Mollie Sugden's magnificently pompous and fruity Mrs Slocombe. Who can forget Mrs Slocombe's response to the large busted lady requesting assistance in the bra department. 'Get out the over 40's would you, Miss Brahms? The Kilimanjaro range.

But my ears are not yet ready to stray from Dads Army. With Ian Lavender's little boy peevish Frank Pike, as he struggles to cope between his mother's over-protection and the odd hours his Uncle  Arthur keeps and where he goes! Or with that brace of old soldiers Privates Godrey and Fraser, Arnold Ridley, who played Godfrey himself a war hero, who had one arm that was completely useless and was also the writer of the popular play 'The Ghost Train'. His lovely kind portrayal of the far too nice Charles Godfrey, trapped in an unhealthy menage with sisters Dolly and Cissy, and nowhere near assertive enough to ever push himself forward He's the subtle  half of the 'old fool' double act with John Lawrie's Private James Fraser, the irascible undertaker and old sailor with many a tall tale of doom set on the isle of Barra. John Laurie was a hugely respected serious Shakespearean actor, with a widely acclaimed Macbeth on his CV, veteran of many films, including Michael Powell and Emeric Pressberger's 'I Know Where I'm Going' And, what did he think of the show? Apparently he said something along the lines of, 'Thirty years a Shakespearean actor and I get remembered for this rubbish.'

But what glorious rubbish it is, and we still haven't mentioned the bullying ex boxer like verger Mr Yeatman as played by Edward Sinclair, (with a harridan of a wife to match). Edward Sinclair, Janet Davis who played Mrs Pike and James Beck, all died tragically young. This leaves the adenoidal and laid-back vicar, Timothy Farthing, and best of all variety great and legendary raconteur Bill Pertwee as Chief Warden Hodges with his constant belligerence towards Napolean and his fruitless cries of 'put that light out.' He and Mainwaring are the bane of each other's life, but seeing and hearing them try to outdo each other is a game we could play forever.

Programme stalwarts Clement, Derek and Kenny with creator Ian Messiter and chair Nicholas Parsons

But we'll have to leave our brave boys because another quartet are lining up in their place. Shepherded by that ever well dickied out and  now ancient monument Nicolas Parsons, we're ready to take another turn at the 'marvellous game which we all love so much' as our four regular greats line up once more to attempt to speak on a subject without hesitating, repetition, or deviating from the subject on the card.

On one side we have Clement Freud, bearded and lugubrious, every bit of his drollery, wit or criticism delivered at the same pace, but the man could sure fill a minute. Next to him is Peter Jones, a radio stalwart with a bite of a delivery and a studied irascibility that often. sneaks him into winner status His role as The Voice of The Book in the original version of The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy would soon give him legendary status. Peter Jones sounds genuinely curious about the oddities of the universe, in contrast to Stephen Fry, who often seems to be striving for every effect.

On the opposite side we have Derek Nimmo, specialist in silly asses, a mouth full of educated plums and with the rare credit of playing two comedy clerics in different series, (well one monk and a curate)on his comedy CV. I can't remember whether it was 'Oh, Brother', (silly monk) or  'All Gas and Gaiters.', (silly curate) which spawned the catchphrase 'Oh, Moses!', but I loved both shows equally and so was always delighted with my weekly doses of Derek, and his deliberately slow slow approach to the matter in hand.

But blitzing everyone was that sheer force of nature and comic anarchy, the naughty, tortured and ultimately tragic Kenneth Williams. Kenny's used two unique skills to divine effect in ;Just a Minute.'. The first was to snap away any criticism waspishly, and in 'the sheer cheek of it' way, winding up fellow players and chairman and especially hapless newbies so that in the end they didn't know which end of hesitation was up. His second was to make words and sentences last so long, sometimes going on for as long as 45 seconds to win the point. Its a true art of a technique which you have to listen to to understand, but it brought our Kenny regular wins - and his ability to snap up someone else's subject and carry it to the end was also legendary.

One of his 114 appearances.

Apart from the Carry On films, Kenneth Williams chief claim to fame was as a storytelling stalwart on the much missed Jackanory. And yes, that means its back to Bernard Cribbins again. Jackanory is certainly deserving of its own blog, but the basic idea relied far more on the voice and the actor's personality and engagement with the tale. Great actresses of the time like Dames Wendy Hiller and Margaret Rutherford gave their considerable all to the programme in the early years, as did the actor Lee Montague, who told the first ever story, 'Cap o' Rushes' from the English version of Cinderella, (for which there are over a thousand existing tale types), But in case you're wondering why I keep banging on about Messrs Williams and Cribbins, here's a chance to look at their individual Jackanory credits. If Bernard was more the affable uncle with a twinkle in his eye, or everyone's favourite granddad, Kenny was the naughty nephew, always with an outrageous prank hidden ready up his sleeve. Believe it or not that naughty nephew appeared on the programme 59 times. Impressive, until you hear Mr Cribbins record of an astonishing 114 outings. I'd love to know what he read.

It was however another of those great northern voices, Sir Alan Bennett, provided the last story in the series, The House at Pooh Corner's. And if your own enthusiasms for our fat, honey-loving bear start and end with well known enthusiast of everything Stephen Fry, listen to the great Alan and believe that voices truly are made for certain roles. A.A. Milne my have been part of the establishment, but the voices of the Hundred Acre would are surely made for the blunted vowels and hearty friendliness of the north.

I could find many other wonderful voices to evoke from the golden years of the sixties and seventies, but we haven't time for any more. But if you're interested in The Pythons. The Goodies, Face the Music and above all the legendary antidote to panel games, I'm Sorry, I haven't a Clue.' then tune in next time.

Oh, and I forgot poor old Basil Brush.

 'Boom. Boom.'

​.Steve Gladwin - Story Magic

Concept, Creation, Editing and Enhancement

Author of 'The Seven', 'Fragon Tales' and 'The Raven's Call'

Funny's Funny - Ciaran Murtagh

Last year I spent a good few months writing an unashamedly British TV show - Danny and Mick. It's currently going out on CBBC and will be on the iplayer forever. I wrote ten episodes and script edited ten more and it makes a virtue of it's constraints in a way that you don't see too often.

Usually, in kids TV, we are being asked to write for the widest possible market. PJ Masks has to play as well in Doha as it does in Dudley. The budgets and costs reflect that, but so too do the editorial and creative choices. Danny and Mick is a live action TV show, so the costs are less. It's also been designed to do one thing and one thing only - make children from the UK laugh. That means, for the first time in quite some time, I was free to focus on one audience.

Danny and Mick shares a great debt to classic British kids TV staples - gunge, slapstick, pantomime. But it had two great assets in it's stars. Danny and Mick really are brothers and they have spent a life time in the circus. Their Dad is Clive Webb - formerly of Tiswas -  and they know what makes kids roar with laughter. They also had buckets of routines they could pull out to enhance any script.

With live action TV the thing that usually gets squeezed is rehearsal time. It means that there isn't time to work out a complicated sequence and often you have to cheat it when it comes to filming. These guys had classic routines in their DNA. Watching them work was like watching a ballet or a wrestling match, they knew how to respond to each other's movements to build something special. It was who they were and was something they've been doing all their lives.

Sometimes we would ask what routines or props they had lying around and build a story around that set piece. Sometimes we would script an idea and they would suggest a routine they knew would work. It's rare for scripting to be so symbiotic, but we all knew we only had one thing to do - make kids laugh.

Take a look at the show, and if you get the chance to see them live then grab it. I'm moving onto write Crackerjack with Sam and Mark next. It seems like great British humour is making a come back, and this Irishman couldn't be happier!