I live for lists. As
a former librarian, nothing is so tempting to me as a list – a
neat, ordered, chronicle of intentions or accomplishments. It seems
to me that as bookish people, we are predisposed to these things –
as lovers of literature we long to see things recorded properly and
succinctly. I was reminded of this as I spoke to a 8 year old
neighbour this morning, who proudly presented me with a list of the
books she had read over the half term holiday. Neatly titled, listed
and folded up, placed in her top pocket ready to show her teacher,
were a list of 5 Roald Dahl books. I congratulated her and was
immensely proud myself, not just of her reading ability and love of
books, but of her compulsion to list it all down.
My wife, an academic
in the field of Children’s Literature, has books of lists.
Alphabetical, written in numerous biro colours, she has kept it since
the days of our ‘A’ levels. My dad, recently retired and a
convert to reading, keeps a list of books although largely so he can
remember which ones he has read. He even notes down the plot and
gives a brief half-page review. Listing, it seems is in the family.
Many may remember
Nick Hornby’s tribute to lists, High Fidelity, and for a brief time
among my classmates we emulated the protagonist in making our own Top
Five lists, although that was mostly of our favourite films and
alcopops. The notion of noting down our favourite movies, songs,
albums, bands, or cartoon character crushes (Jessica Rabbit wins
every time, obvs) is now laughable as my tastes have changed so much.
I recently found lists of the above from my early twenties and they
are so cringe-worthy and banal that I cannot begin to reproduce them
here. So I find the idea of popular media covering such lists insane.
The TV schedules have them as their mainstay; remember the BBC’sBig Read? A summer long season that tried to compile the nations’
top 100 books? (An easily skewed online poll voted Lord of the Rings
in at Number One, if you’re interested) Channel 5 seem to have one
a week, which surely has culminated with Britain's Favourite Biscuit.(Spoilers: Here's the result) And Desert Island Discs, Radio 4’s 75 year old programme
about kidnapping the great and the good and leaving them to die on a
rock, asks notable persons to list their favourite songs; I pity the
person who records their Desert Island discs in their twenties and
then has to endure ribbing for the rest of their life because they
chose ‘Touch My Bum’ by the Cheeky Girls “for a laugh”.
In fact, I always
thought the format had the lists the wrong way around. Guests (or
victims, if we’re taking the whole castaway thing seriously) are
asked to tell the presenter (chief tormentor) their seven songs they
would like to be washed up with (presumably they dropped their iPhone
in the water with their 10000+ songs on it and the island handily has
a turntable and electricity supply but there’s me picking hairs
again). They also get to pick a luxury item (mine's a fully crewed
yacht) and a book.
One book.
You get the bible
and the complete works of Shakespeare for free (which will delight
all non-Christians appearing on the programme) but get to choose one
book. ONE! How in blue blazes am I supposed to pick just one book to
see out my days? I’d happily swap my seven discs for books and get
to choose just one song (That Golden Rule by Biffy Clyro, of course).
One list that has
grabbed my attention since I was in short trousers though (I mean
since I was a kid, not since last summer and the unfortunate choice
of leg wear at the beach), was when I watched the 1960 film
adaptation of HG Wells’ The Time Machine. It departs from the book
slightly in that the plot seems overly concerned with the Earth being
driven back to the stone age by a nuclear war, but as that seemed a
very real possibility then I’ll let them off (and yes, it seems to
be a very real possibility right now, but let’s leave politics out
of this for a moment)
At the end, the Time Traveller absconds
himself to his laboratory as whisks himself away in the machine once
again, seemingly to never return. His sceptical friend Filby and
housekeeper enter and see the space that the machine once held
surrounded by debris and the Housekeeper notices nothing is missing
except for three books that she could not identify. Filby supposes
that he took them with him into the future, and proposes the
question; if you were heading into a new world and time, what are the
three books you’d take with you?
That question has
played on my mind for 20+ years. Should I take something practical
and informative like Nigella’s How To Be A Domestic Goddess? (the
burnt butter cupcakes are to die for) Or a DIY Manual? Maybe, if the
earth has succumbed to a nuclear war, a foraging book to help me
collect food.
Nah. I’ll settle
for some good reading material. I’ll probably be clubbed to death
by Morlocks anyway so may as well enjoy myself. Here’s mine:
1 – An Omnibus of
the Paddington Stories by Michael Bond – If I’m living in a
post-apocalyptic landscape, I’d like some escapism and delving into
the world of Number 32 Windsor Gardens is my ‘safe place’. The
only thing you have to worry about there is Mrs Bird’s temper or
running out of marmalade.
2 – An Omnibus of
the Mortal Engines Quadrilogy by Philip Reeve – Okay, I’m
probably cheating here by choosing an omnibus, but it’s my game so
shut up. I love the world Reeve creates in these books but more than
anything the characters. If I’m in a ruined Britain (again, you
could argue we are already there but let’s leave politics at the
door for the moment) I want to take Hester and Shrike with me. Also
may be a handy manual in case the human race do accept Municipal
Darwinism as their new way of life and begin to mobilise their
cities, so, y’know it’s kinda practical as well.
3 – The Complete
Y-The Last Man by Brian K Vaughan and Pia Guerra – This graphic
novel showed me what real storytelling is; epic, brutal and
compelling. If you don’t know it, a mystery illness kills off every
male on Earth in the first few pages, all except one goofy
responsibility-shy slacker called Yorick and his pet monkey (okay,
sounds stupid now I write it down but trust me). It has everything
you want from a major summer blockbuster movie – Amazon Warrior
Women, secret spies and societies, danger, terrorists and monkeys.
Did I mention monkeys?
Okay, I’ve shown
you mine, now you show me yours. Catch me in the comments and on
Twitter (@metcalfwriter)
---
Dan Metcalf writes
Children’s books and can be found at danmetcalf.co.uk. Dino Wars,
his new series about genetically engineered talking dinosaurs and a
race against time to save the world, launches on 28th
April from Maverick Books.
6 comments:
"You and me, little buddy. Adrift in an ocean of estrogen."
Hmmm.
I'd definitely love to take the Paddington omnibus, and I must read 'The Mortal Engines' - I have read and loved other books by Philip Reeves and I met him recently and thought he was lovely.
That's a "Hmmm" from here too.
List-making makes the list-maker feel powerful and in control (unless its a To-Do list, and even that feels as if one might be taking control.) An interesting post, Dan.
By the way, I have plans for a Mortal Engines/Traction Cities binge read before next December, when the Peter Jackson film arrives.
I’d take books by authors I’ve read over and over, such as Terry Pratchett. An omnibus, yes, but which? City Watch? Death? The witches? Maybe all three and there would be my three books. And I’d sneak in an extra, Lord Of The Rings/Hobbit omnibus, because, a. It’s thick! Plenty to read, b. I’ve read and reread that book, so know I can, and I’d need The Hobbit in the omnibus to remind me of how it started.
In my first year of teaching, I had a Year 9 student, a girl, who kept a list of her reading for the year. When I asked her about a book she had read, she pulled out the exercise book in which she kept the list and looked it up. She had read 85 books already that year and it was only halfway through the year... I wish I’d known her later, in my teacher librarian years, when I could have invited he4 to my book club!
Just been reading a great Paddington omnibus here Dan so can completely agree with you Dan. I'd certainly go for Terry Pratchett too with Lords and Ladies and Monstrous regiment up there but so many others. I'd also have to have David Almond's Kit's Wilderness. But as ever so, so much I haven't read.
I just find that a list is a basic necessity for everyday shopping. Otherwise, I'd be so engrossed with the centre aisles of Lidl and Aldi, that I'd completely forget why I went in there in the first place.
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