When I became an author I thought I would be able to live
in a lighthouse.
My food would be sent up to me on a pulley and I would wave
to the person in the delivery boat, and perhaps say a cheery ‘hello’, before I
pulled my window tight shut and went back into my safe lighthouse world.
I had no idea that writing books would mean that I had to go
out and about promoting them.
If I had known, I’m not sure I would have had the courage to
start.
I’ve always been shy. Always. I was brave at my sixth
birthday party and thought I’d dance on top of the piano to celebrate my
bravery for a change. I fell off. I think that’s one of the reasons I hid
in books when I was young. I think that’s one of the reasons I write. It was
definitely why I became an actor.
People think that actors are really brave, outgoing creatures,
when very often the exact opposite is true. It’s a way of hiding yourself in
someone else’s words. A bit like writing. It’s a way of expressing yourself
without actually directly giving yourself away. A bit like writing, again.
When I realised that actually no-one was going to buy my
book unless I got out there and told people about it, it came as an enormous
shock. Then, after a bit of sobbing I decided that I would just have to get
on with it. Hit it with enthusiasm. And I’m really glad I did.
I’ve done lots of events and school visits now and I’ve met
some wonderful people.
For World Book Day 2017 I’ll be onstage with The Biggest
Book Show on Earth and then at the Spread the Word Festival. I’ll be standing
up in front of lots of people and attempting to talk to them about my books,
and why books and reading are so important. I’m already nervous.
Last time I was onstage I forgot my words completely. It was
a One Woman Show.
Another time, when I was part of a dancing group who were
representing the Great Fire of London by becoming human flickering flames (I
know, believe me, I know) I managed to pirouette into an audience member’s lap.
It wasn’t part of the act. She wasn’t that pleased.
So, as the song goes, there may be trouble ahead, and I can
never predict how shy, clumsy, or awkward, I’m going to be on the day. I just
make the best of whoever I am at that moment in time and try my best not to fall over.
Even if I do, there has always been someone there to pick me up and I’ve
lived to tell the tale so far…
I wish that I could say that I wasn’t shy anymore. That all these
experiences have made me flamboyant and confident. But they haven’t. They’ve just
made me realise that there is a place for shy people in the world. That shyness
is not weakness. I’m shy but I can still contribute and I can
still be creative.
It has also taught me that children will always, without
exception, be willing to help if you are honest. That children are kind and
empathetic if you tell them that you are feeling nervous. That they will identify
with you.
And that is why I can keep writing, and going to schools and
events. And that is also why I know that I have found the right job. That by
writing stories I really am connecting with people, through reading, and through
meeting the most lovely, supportive crowd a person could ever hope to meet.
And though I still want a lighthouse, if I ever got one I’d
probably get a little boat so I could pootle across to the mainland and do a
few school visits.
Eloise Williams
7 comments:
That's such a lovely post and very reassuring and funny. I totally identify. I am shy and awkward and a bit clumsy too, and yet I love doing school visits too. I get so nervous before and wiped out afterwards but, like you, I have found that children are great at accepting you for who you are and the feedback stays with you for months afterwards. For other shy people I have found costume helps - the simple act of wearing wings and a head dress helped turn me into what one child described as a 'grownup fairy', which was a relief for me and great for the 5 year olds. I think you sound like you do wonderful school visits, and you were brave to pirouette in the first place!
Eloise, I am with you. My brother-out-law actually lived in the last manned lighthouse and I've always been jealous of that - but my preferred home would be in a pele tower, with wall and drawbridge, on an island. Selected people would be allowed in, if I was in a good mood.
I do school outings too and am told I'm good at it, but it's always something that I have to stiffen the sinews for, not to mention summoning the spirit of the tiger. And afterwards, even if it's gone well, the spirit of the tiger hangs around, grumbling and snarling.
I'm in the thick of it for WBD too - so good luck to us both! May the day go well.
Lovely post!
Thanks for sharing this. After years of doing similar things I have come to the conclusion that everybody is shy, they have just got better ways at hiding it.
Lovely post, Eloise. Though I've visited several schools and libraries, I find the adults are harder to cope with and "read" than the children.
Love your post. I was another "shy" one too - but these days I do all sorts of non-shy things too. One of my favourite moments as a shy teenager was the day I got a Distinction for my Drama exam and the class loud, extrovert got a mere Pass. Ha!
Thanks for your comments. So glad to know I'm not alone! :)
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