Thursday, 12 March 2015

Every School is Different

Sorry this blog is late. Like many of you, I've just got back from a week and a bit of non stop World Book Week school visits and my brain is still in recovery mode.  But I've had this poem going round and round in my head.

(With apologies to Monty Python)
There are states, there are preps
There are primaries and secondaries, and then
There are those that they call "free", but
I've never been to one of them

I'm a children's author
Away on visits all last blinking week
The one thing they say to authors is
They'll book you if you're cheap

You don't have to be a best-seller
You don't have to have a great idea
You don't have to have any actual books you're
An "author" cos it says so on this badge here

Because every school is different
Every school is great
Though if a school is thoughtless
I really get irate

If they don't expect you
"You're the supply for B13?"
And the venue isn't ready
"I forgot you said about a screen"

Every school is different
Every school is grand
Every school has pressures
I can barely understand

You can sell books if they ordered
You can sell books if they pay
But no-one's brought the money
Now you're selling sweet FA

State, private and academy
They need their author hit
But I prefer to visit those
Who really care a bit

Every school is different
Every school is great
If a school is thoughtless
I really get irate

"If you needed lunch you should have said"
"No-one's read the book, is that OK?"
"If you could get here by six am please -
You're back to back today!"

Every school is different
Every school is good
Every school was only trying
To do the best they could

Teachers who ignore you
Gazing on iPhones at the rear
They're so absorbed in Facebook
It makes you want to disappear

Every school is stressed
Every school is brill
We rely on their support
And truly, thanks a mill

So let's keep the visits going
To the lively and the bored
Who cares if the flaming laptop's broken -
As long as they applaud!


Nick Green said...

Triffic song! :-)

I always thought I would enjoy doing school visits. And I sort of do... but boy am I glad when they're over. When they go well they are the best thing ever, but dying on your feet is never fun.

Piers Torday said...

Yup - that pretty much sums it up!

C.J.Busby said...

After my own week of running around from pillar to post, this really made me laugh! Thanks!

Karen said...

This made me smile, and yes - spot on!