Sunday 1 December 2013

ON BEING A GOOD CHILD by Penny Dolan




Were you a “good child”? Were you taught to answer “yes” when somebody asked you to do helpful things? Are you too dutiful for your own “good”? Read on.

Back in 2012, I’d been organising a group involved with children and reading for some years, Sadly, I could see that  - no matter how fond I was of the group and the organisation as a whole – I had worn out my energy for the thing. I didn’t want the group to fold, but I was doing it no good. As a writer, I live a fairly solitary life, but what the group needed were people with links and professional contacts and lots of social energy. None were coming forward. None were saying yes.

So, last December, as part of a mailing to all the members. I called an ExtraOrdinary General Meeting for early in 2013. I wrote that I was stepping down. Then came the bit of blackmail: if I wasn’t doing X, then Y would not happen. I posted the envelopes, crossed my fingers and waited.

Well, it turned out that Y did matter to the members. Some people came forward. Over the year, bit by bit – because they are all as busy as I am -  the group has taken on this or that aspect of the work.  I have just signed “my” last cheque and the new committee’s is about to take over the finance. When that happens, I’ll be totally free of any responsibility. I am so glad there were people there to catch the baby.

However, that “NO” took almost a year to accomplish. My escape had to be planned well ahead so others could take on the burden at their own pace.

So why I am blogging about this? Because I want to remind you that if you are a “good child”, your sense of duty and obligation may get in the way of your writing. This busyness – and heaven knows there’s enough of that involved in looking after a writing career already – can get in the way. It may make you a “good child”, but not the good writer you could be.

Instead of creative day-dreaming, the mind grinds on about all the small things it should be doing or sorting out.  Instead of being free to “fill the well” with new experiences and good or interesting stuff, you spend your spare time – and more -  sorting out administration.

We all have things we get involved with: clubs and groups and organisations. If your special thing “feeds” you and is just what you need, all’s fine and dandy. But if it doesn’t - or doesn’t any longer – stop being a “good child”.  

If you feel you need to make an escape, start working out when and how. You have all the coming year to make your escape. Maybe, for your writing sanity, you need to learn to say no?

Penny Dolan.

10 comments:

Joan Lennon said...

Yes to saying no. Thanks for this, Penny!

Sue Purkiss said...

And how cleverly and sensitively you said 'no'!

JO said...

How right you are - saying no can sometimes be the hardest thing, even when you know it's right.

Penny Dolan said...

Thanks for your comments. I felt this was the right time of year to raise this thought, so that the "NO" idea can slide into the mind and sit there ready for the start of January.

Other than that, all good wishes, everyone, for the first of December. May you have energy, health - if not wealth, though some would be handy - and happiness for all the festivities ahead. And a bit of good, quiet time for yourselves, too.

Dianne Hofmeyr said...

thank you Penny... very timely! And good wishes to you too!

Lynda Waterhouse said...


Thank you for this timely reminder. I will be taking it to heart. We good children need to learn to be good to ourselves too!

John Dougherty said...

Writing! THAT'S what I'm supposed to be doing!

Thanks, Penny. Saying 'no' a little more often will have to be one of my New Year's Resolutions!

Linda Strachan said...

Absolutely! You are so right, Penny. I decided a few months ago look more carefully and only say 'yes' to things a was sure I wanted to do, and I started saying 'no' more often to make space and time for writing. But I think I need more practice! You know how things just start to creep in....!

Stroppy Author said...

If we're all the people who are doing too much (and I can vouch for a few of those who have commented here!), where is everyone else? Where/who are the people who have plenty of time? Are there any? Just wondering ...

julia jones said...

Well done Penny