Wednesday 25 April 2012

One Thousand, Two Thousand, Three Thousand, CHECK!




Writing for a living and being beset with self-doubt go hand-in-hand. In becoming an author, you might as well face up to the fact that anxiety and angst are your new best friends.

And I don’t care how famous you are, the gig is still the same.

Nothing you do is ever going to be good enough. Get used to that, and get over it. Your previous works will seem a little clunky, and full of passages you wish you could rewrite (regardless of how proud of them you are). Your latest manuscript  - the one you’re working on right now, or at least would be working on if you weren’t reading this blog – has, in your opinion, gone from being a ‘sure fire winner’, to ‘something with legs’, to ‘hmmm, is this really the book I set out to write?’ You’ll curse yourself for wasting nine/ten/twelve/twenty-four* (*delete as appropriate) months on the damn thing when you could have been working on that other ‘whizzer idea’ you’ve thought of (the one you’re sure everyone will love.) All normal, all okay. Again, get used to it, and get over it.

This all sounds like pretty woeful stuff. But there’s a flip side to this self-imposed torture. It’s this very self-doubt that makes you strive to make your work the best it can be (and in doing so, become the best writer you can be). It’s the thing that makes you edit your work to within an inch of its life; worry about the weak points in the plot, and go back and shore them up; to ensure that the characters are as rounded and believable as you can make them.

Once you recognise both sides of the coin, you can turn what, on the face of it, could become a paralysing and demotivating factor into a positive strength. Your doubt is what makes you seek out the flaws in your work (that, and bloody good editor), and in doing so you are able to address them and turn your work into something finer than it would otherwise have been. Writers who appear not to have any of this doubt (and let’s face it, we’ve all met a few) are unable to recognise the weaknesses in their work, and if you’re unable to put your finger on the flaws, well, you ain’t gonna be able to fix ‘em.

There’s a thin line between love and hate, and an even thinner one between using your self-doubt as a positive force and allowing it to destroy your confidence. Writers, especially new ones (hark at me), can focus too much on their weakness, telling themselves that they’re not good enough, and end up stultifying their talent. Hey, nobody said this writing malarkey was easy. If it was, anyone would be able to knock out a book, ignore the editing process, pop it up for sale on an online bookseller’s site for 99p or give it away. Oh, er, hang on a minute…

I was giving a talk recently about writing for children, and somebody asked me what the hardest thing about writing was. I told them it was taking that initial leap of faith. Because that’s what it is. We all sit on the lip of the airplane door and tell ourselves that we can’t do it. The man behind us is screaming at us to, “GO, GO, GO!”, but there are a million reasons NOT to jump. Eventually, it’s those brave souls who shout, “Geronimo,” and throw themselves out into the void who are the people with the biggest grins on their faces at the end of the day. I tell people who want to write, to simply sit down and do so. Don’t worry TOO much about the mistakes you’ll make, but do worry about them enough to recognise that they can be a positive thing.

So, here’s to all the skydiver writers out there.

“GERONIMO!!!”

16 comments:

Pauline Chandler said...

Love this. Every word is true!

Linda Strachan said...

Yes, Yes YES!

Excellent post. Skydiving, and freefall, self doubt and determination - all part of the process.

This is why it is great to have supportive friends and colleagues!

Steve Feasey said...
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Steve Feasey said...
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Steve Feasey said...
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Steve Feasey said...

Thanks. I'm glad my little outpouring of angst seems to have hit a chord.

Schez said...

Goodness, I have just read your post and it touched on everything I've been thinking about lately... I tend to worry that my writing dream is just that... That one day I will hit a terrible realisation that I've wasted time and energy on something that is unattainable by someone like me... But thankyou, I will just keep on writing! As you say: Geronimo!

Jane McLoughlin said...

A great post. I was pushed down a near-vertical water slide by a hairy and be-thonged Russian man who was tired of waiting while I dithered fearfully on the platform...we all need that Russian in our lives.

adele said...

Yup! Agree, only I use standing on the edge of a swimming pool waiting to jump in. I am flying phobic!

Savita Kalhan said...

It's so true - all of it! Great post. Although you'd never catch me dead jumping out of a plane - I'd need more incentive than Jane's hairy be-thonged Russian standing behind me.

Sue Purkiss said...

Excellent post. But I'll pass on the hairy Russian, thanks - do NOT want to be pushed!

Anonymous said...

I've had masses of that dreaded self-doubt of late, so this was comforting to read! Vanessax

Lucy Coats said...

My family think I'm mad to like jumping off mountains (albeit tied to a hunky Frenchman. I'll shout Geronimo anytime with you, Steve. Great post, absolutely spot on.

Steve Feasey said...

Thanks again everybody for the feedback. It's always good to know we've all sat on the edge with our eyes screwed shut.

Ann Evans said...

Great post, Steve, you've hit the nail right on the head. It's good to know that we're not alone when it comes to self doubt. I'll remember that Geronimo moment - it'll come in very handy!

Leigh Russell said...

It doesn't get any easier... !