Rather too late, I have discovered that we (authors) have Got It All Wrong. Wait for this, because, contrary to expectations, it is good news.
Bear with me briefly. See, I had a quite different post almost finished for you. Since I have a book coming out very soon (as in today by the time you read this ...) I was all set to tell you in an exhausted but excited kind of way about the weird stuff I'd been doing to try to get it out there. I would even have told you the title (which I now can't, for reasons which will become apparent.) And I was longing to show you the cute little animated video I made all by myself (well, with the help of some free software) which has turned up in the most interesting places. And as for the free crawling beetle screensaver which Walker Books made ...
But then I read today's paper (Saturday as I am writing this) and discovered, in a horrible flash of gah-ness, that I'd been doing everything wrong. And so have all you authors. If you are currently planning launches and any crazy publicity tours, CANCEL. No, really - it's important.
Here's the story that shook my world. After five years of anticipation by readers, Haruki Murakami's new novel, IQ84, has been published. The flood of advance orders meant that his publishers had to increase the initial print-run to 480,000. The secret to this stunning success? Secrecy. Silence. Nothing. Yep, he totally refused to say anything about it. Ever. For five years and all the way up to publication, he zipped his mouth and swanned about eating sushi and drinking rice wine. (I made that up: for all I know, he could be teetotal. After all, a writer with the self-control not to mention his book?)
Now this is the sort of publicity campaign I could go for. It's a bit late, but from now on my lips are sealed. I will not tell you anything, not one teensy item, not even the title, about my new booky thing that's published on June 1st, or thereabouts. I've no idea where you can buy it and if I see any copies I will hide them. Everything I have already said about the book is a lie. If you read any reviews before publication, they are fabricated.
As for the video below, which purports to reveal strange details of a book called Deathwatch, it is nothing to do with me and must be the product of a jealous rival's fevered imagination. You can watch it if you like but, honestly, it will tell you nothing.